


My Heart, It Beats For You

by alexenglish



Series: Codas [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Background Malia/Stiles, Canon Compliant, FSA Week, Love Confessions, M/M, Polyamory, background Braeden/Derek, background Kira/Scott
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 03:59:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4945897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexenglish/pseuds/alexenglish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek is the piece that doesn’t fit. In the beginning, it was all about earning their trust, it was all about Scott and Stiles. Sometimes it’s too obvious that it’s ScottandStiles <i>plus</i> Derek.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Heart, It Beats For You

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first of a three part coda series. I [posted this one to Tumblr](http://queerlyalex.tumblr.com/post/125292508827/this-heart-it-beats-only-for-you-derek) previously, but I finished up the series and decided to post it for FSA Week! 
> 
> This installment directly follows the season 4 finale. All canon relationships are still occurring and are all open relationships, so this is loosely polyamorous McCall pack, but you don't see the other characters. 
> 
> As always, thanks to Kat for the beta <3

_For all of the days that we spent_  
_Carried away from home_  
 _Something's I'll never know_  
 _And I had to let them go_

 

It’s a miracle they catch Derek in time, hurling themselves into the loft with heavy stomps. He heard them when they pulled up, clutch grinding as Stiles threw it into park and yanked the E-brake, doors slamming. It only took them ten minutes from when Derek sent the text to now. That has to be a record.

Stiles is all coltish limbs, flailing, grabbing onto Scott as they stumble through the door. A wave of anxiety hits Derek immediately, and he knows this is going to get tumultuous; thankful that Braeden is gone so no one is here to witness it. Stiles’ hands clench into Scott’s shirt looking confused, concerned, and a little too wrecked for Derek to be comfortable with.

“That’s it, you’re leaving?” Scott asks, voice even, though his face displays his displeasure. If it was just Scott, he would probably less angry, but Stiles has the ability to get Scott riled up better than anyone else. He’s planted between Stiles and Derek, subtly protective; Stiles doesn’t seem to notice or care about that.

Both of their hearts are loud in Derek’s head, but Stiles’ is faster, more insistent. Scott’s heart is a steady drumming. It’s deliberate, Derek knows, and, not for the first time, he wonders at Scott’s transition from confused, newly bitten werewolf to the calm, controlled alpha he is now. He’s deliberately being underwhelming, so he doesn’t give himself away.

Derek sighs, keeping his face neutral.

“We had this discussion,” Derek says, and they did. A while ago, actually, after the nogitsune, but before the dead pool surfaced, when Derek first transformed back after Kate deaged him. There was a list of reasons that Derek had for not staying, valid and necessary, in his opinion, but they didn’t agree with him about it. They _adamantly didn't_ agree.

“That was a hypothetical discussion,” Stiles says, voice cutting through the tension loudly. Stiles has no volume control when he’s upset, unable to rein himself in. There’s a film of wetness over his eyes, heart pounding and cheeks flushed. Adrenaline response, Derek thinks. Derek knows well enough that Stiles won’t let himself cry, not until after Derek leaves. The thought sinks heavy in Derek’s gut, weighed down with guilt and heartache.

“You know it wasn’t,” Derek says, plainly. Hypothetical discussions don’t dissolve into raised voices and petulant, dramatic exits with Scott mumbling assurances to Derek before chasing after Stiles.

“You can’t just _go_ ,” Stiles says, stepping forward and then rethinking it, moving back so he and Scott are shoulder-to-shoulder, eyes still on Derek. This is the problem, Stiles constantly deferring to Scott when it comes to Derek, never wanting to overstep his boundaries.

Derek thinks they shouldn’t have any boundaries, but what does he know? He’s the intruder here. They established their dynamic way before Derek stumbled upon them in the woods, Scott’s inhaler in his pocket. He might have only had eyes for the newly bitten wolf at the time, but he didn’t miss the way Stiles’ heart picked up when he recognized Derek. That was the moment the stars aligned, all three of them in the same place for the very first time.

Deep down, Derek knows that the real problem is that he is the piece that doesn’t fit. In the beginning, it was all about earning their trust, it was all about Scott and Stiles. Now, it’s too obvious that it’s ScottandStiles _plus_ Derek, especially when that they all work together, trust each other with their lives. Derek doubts their relationship will ever be seamless the way he wants it to be. He will always be the outlier.

Derek has been out of place since he tried to get Scott to trust him, in the very beginning. He didn’t understand that in order to win Scott over, he had to win Stiles over. If he had, it would have been easier to work together. Even when he became alpha, he was constantly misjudging their codependence, but they did get to a point where it worked out occasionally. Both Scott and Stiles came to him, separately and together, and that made Derek feel important and needed and _part of something_.

The fact remains that Derek disrupts their natural state of duality by merely being here. That’s something they would both deny, but Derek knows better. He’s never had any claim on _Scott and Stiles_. Not the way they have claim on each other. The three of them have their moments. The silent communication and brave rescues. ut Derek is always, has _always been_ , watching their story unfold instead of being a part of it.

It makes him ache with equal parts envy and desire; wanting what they have, wanting to be here with them. Despite that, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever feel like he belongs with them. He doesn’t know if they want him to belong.

All Derek wants, has wanted, since he came back was a pack.

He wants to find his home.

“You belong here,” Scott says, once again displaying his ability to read Derek’s every insecure thought as if Derek voiced them out loud. Scott’s perception still shocks Derek every time. Derek isn’t used to being so readable to anyone, but he’s an open book to the both of them.

Maybe that’s the problem, maybe he’s scared of what that means. Maybe he’s afraid that he’ll lose it. No matter what, Scott and Stiles will always be there for each other, to anchor each other. Nothing could tear them apart.

Derek is an entirely different story. Derek is the movable chess piece, he’s expendable. Not just in a fighting sense, but his heart, his emotions. They’re at risk because no matter what, Scott and Stiles will matter the most to each other. That’s the natural order of things; Derek can’t argue with it.

“I don’t belong anywhere,” Derek says, with a shrug. It doesn’t hurt to say, because it’s the truth. Once upon a time, Derek had a home in Beacon Hills. He had stability and family, but now he’s drifting without an anchor. They stripped him of his anger, and now he has to search for something to hold onto.

It could be them, he knows. He cares enough for them, deeply and irrevocably. If hard pressed, he’d admit out loud to _loving_ them, but no one’s asked him. None of Derek’s interactions with Scott and Stiles have been romantic in the slightest. They’re too young – or, they were. Now that Stiles is legal, Scott will follow soon, and Derek doesn’t know how to feel about that.

Maybe it would feel too much like taking advantage, adoration for them both already burning brightly behind his ribs before it was supposed to. Ironic, in Derek’s case, falling for not one, but two underage boys. Despite all the ways that it’s almost _wrong_ , he still feels so deeply, so overwhelmingly for the both of them. Another reason why he needs to leave.

He’s sure Scott knows, because Scott can always tell when someone loves him. Scott recognizes his own emotions, and when they resonate in others he’s aware of it. Stiles probably knows as well, but not in the definitive way that Scott does. Stiles _hopes_ Derek loves him, but he won’t be sure until Derek tells him.

Only, Derek isn’t going to tell him. Not anytime soon at least. So, they’re left at an impasse where Stiles stares at Derek with this all-too-familiar, deeply vulnerable look in his eyes and Derek stares back, trying not to give into the urge to drop to his knees and confess everything.

“That’s bullshit,” Stiles snaps. Derek can feel the tension in the air like a live wire. Stiles is edging irate, and Derek can’t think of anything to say that could possibly reassure him now. This when the turbulence happens, the storm.

Of course, it’s Scott who slips his hand in Stiles’, clenching and squeezing together, strained. Derek feels the familiar burn of envy in his chest, underlying the ache of desire that’s always present around them both. The action quells Stiles slightly, drawing his attention away from Derek and to Scott, eyes widening.

“Just, don’t,” Scott says, stepping forward, putting himself between Stiles and Derek once again, but also making sure Derek is focused on him. His face is earnest, sincere. It makes Derek wish Scott was angry, too.

Derek can handle anger, knows how to reciprocate that; it’s the softness that Derek doesn’t know how to deal with. The reason why him and Scott clash on a fundamental level has always been because Scott is so emotion-driven. Derek reacts to react, similar to Stiles, _defensively_.

“We want you to stay,” Scott says, taking a step closer. Derek doesn’t move, physically resisting the urge to shuffle backwards. Scott’s heart is pounding uncomfortably, harder and faster. “We care about you, Derek. We –”

“Scott, don’t,” Derek says. Derek doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t want to know what Scott will say to make Derek stay --

“Scott, _don’t_ ,” Stiles says, at the same time Derek does, hand clenching Scott’s sleeve. Instead of agreeing with Derek, though, he looks at him sharply, betrayal written all over his face --

“What, you can’t handle what he has to say?” Stiles asks, stepping forward, shoulders squared. He looks like he wants to _fight_ Derek, but Derek can see his mouth wobbling with emotion, eyes still bright and tight at the corners. Derek wishes he could figure out what that means that Stiles is letting him see how obviously hurt he is.

“I don’t want to hear it,” Derek says, truthfully. He can’t handle it. If either of them can make a convincing argument, he knows he’ll stay. Stiles’ mouth hardens into a tight, displeased line. It’s easier to look at than the absolutely flabbergasted look on Scott’s face.

The sound of Braeden’s boots outside the loft door saves him from having the rest of what’s probably a necessary conversation. She steps into the loft, eyes sweeping over Scott and Stiles before resting on Derek.

“Ready?” she asks. Derek’s thankful that she doesn’t comment on the fact that she is so obviously interrupting their conversation. He needs to leave before he makes excuses to stay.

“Yeah, I am,” he says, grabbing his bag off the bed. Stiles’ mouth drops open as Scott’s face screws up in displeasure.

“That’s really it?” Stiles asks, eyes darting between them. “You’re just leaving now, and never coming back?”

There’s more that he wants to say, Derek knows, the intent of the words cling to the tension between them. If Braeden wasn’t there, Stiles would probably go on about about abandonment, “after everything?”, but he stays silent, staring intently at Derek. Derek shrugs in dismissal, trying to ignore the way his stomach is sinking. Planning to leave and actually leaving are two different things entirely.

“I never said I wasn’t coming back,” Derek says, mouth tugging up in the semblance of a smirk. It’d be nice if they didn’t care enough to stop him. If he could leave without any production. Things would be easier; less painful for all of them.

That’s it.

He follows Braeden out, keeping his steps light as his heart aches and sinks in his chest. He hears the pounding of both Scott and Stiles’ pulses as he goes down the stairs of the building.

“ _Was he lying_?” he hears Stiles ask, voice thick with emotion. “ _That – The last bit, about coming back. Do you think he was telling the truth_?”

Derek hears Scott swallow, clearly as if they’re in the same room, but when Scott answers, it’s quiet, barely a whisper,

“ _I don’t know_.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://queerlyalex.tumblr.com)


End file.
